


Gravity

by eternalshiva



Series: Mass Effect Big Bang [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect Big Bang, Post BAaT, Prior Alliance, Teen Kaidan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 02:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/805855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalshiva/pseuds/eternalshiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Returning to Vancouver after BAaT isn't what he entirely expected - everything is different and still the same. The skyline is heavy, grey and tired - much like the weight on Kaidan's shoulders, the edge of his mother's temples and his father's eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Returning to Earth

**Author's Note:**

> This was a really difficult subject to write since there is so little known and it’s heavily influenced by headcanons more than anything – especially BAaT and Kaidan’s parents. Maker knows what they're actually like. It was fun to work with doomcheese, I've been following her forever on tumblr so it was really exciting to find out she was my artist. Brand didn't murder me over my tenses so that’s always a bonus (ILU DUNH8). 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the story and try not to make too many nose prints on the screen trying to snuggle up to doom’s art of Teen Kaidan because it’s magnificent. :) -- I will be linking the images as soon as possible, doom hasn't posted her art yet. Please come back and check or track my tumblr for an update.

* * *

 

**Note - Large section of italics are flashbacks and memories.**

* * *

 

  
| Part A .:. Returning to Earth |

_The talon gripped him suddenly, the sharp edges of the turian’s hands pressed down against his teeth, and he felt one tooth snap under the pressure. Kaidan groaned helplessly at the pain, his own smaller hands trying to pry the talons off his jaw, out of his mouth – all he could see were the sharp edges of the alien's teeth snapping together like the mouth of an eel, the grin malicious._

_“Come on, Alenko – flare up, push me off.”_

_ _

_Art by MesseerHawk @ tumblr_

Kaidan stiffened, his eyes opening slowly as the memory faded into the background noise of the shuttle’s engines. It felt like a dream, but he knew better - this was a nightmare; a reality he still couldn't swallow with the rest of the bullshit he had put up with since he'd been taken to that training camp. That particular memory was the first time he’d stood before the bitter old turian at BAaT, the first time he’d managed to flare his biotics to life without injuring anyone around him. More importantly, it was first time he understood he was nothing more than just a living weapon to be wielded.

The rest of the memory filtered in against his will - the sour copper taste of his own blood flooding his mouth, the steel grip of the turian talons getting tighter with every second he didn't comply. He pulled his lower lip into his mouth, teeth lightly scrapping at the old scar there. The puckering bump was an irritating reminder that it had split under the pressure while he had struggled in vain under the strength of the alien.

 _Vyrnnus sneered, the disgust evident with the hard clicking noise in the back of his throat. “You humans are_ pathetic _, can’t even do a simple things like -“_

_Kaidan felt the dark energy amass as a result of his panic, the nodes of eezo in his system trembled and heated - the amp in the back of his head buzzed and ached strangely with the scar still fresh from the surgery. Adrenaline flooded his blood in a rush and he let the energy flow at the simple thought. The sharp tangy scent of eezo slipped between student and teacher and the commander finally let him go._

_He fell to his knees, wincing at the pain from both the amp and his abused flesh. He spat out the partially broken tooth, wiping at his mouth between pants and stared warily at the turian who only stepped back, eyed the next candidate and wiped the blood off his strange hands._

_“Next time, I won’t be so patient.” The voice quipped, metallic syllables grating on his ears._

Kaidan carefully brought his bandaged hand up to his chin, the bright white of the gauze still crisp despite the split of bone and skin hiding under it, and rubbed at the corner of his mouth with the injured knuckle. There were fresh scabs still forming across both his lips from the last and final fight with the commander and the memory alone was making them itch.

 

 

**_[_**

[ _Art by doomcheese_](http://seisei.deviantart.com/art/MEBB-2013-Gravity-372109719)

He looked back over his shoulder, he could feel eyes on him. Brayden didn't bother to look away from Kaidan when their eyes met. The younger man narrowed his eyes and pulled his lip back in a sneer of disgust. Kaidan looked down, troubled by the open display of dislike but he couldn't really blame him. Their friendship was no longer existent, murder and small talk didn't mix very well.

_"What happened, Alenko? Rahna won't even come out of the room!" Fists pounded on his door, Kaidan could hear her crying down the hall._

_What had happened? Kaidan wondered quietly to himself, staring at the back of the metallic door. He looked away after the pounding grew silent and his friend walked away - gaze stumbling across the room and into his window to stare out to the vast sea of stars twinkling in the distance._

_The sound of chaos was crashing around him, time trickled to a standstill and the question hung between his lips and wrapped around his tongue._

_Control, he'd lost control._

His gaze lingered on his fisted hands. Closing his eyes, he took in a slow breath, trying to get the unsettling feeling in his stomach to pass. He clenched his jaw, the muscle tensing as the shuttle trembled again, he looked up towards the orange holo showing the trajectory of the shuttle and saw that they had entered Earth's upper atmosphere.

He tried to ignore the mounting whispers and the way the hair around his amp puckered up with anxiety, he could feel more eyes on him as they neared their destination. The question hung in the air - what was going to happen to him, to them, when they got to Earth?

Kaidan knew there wasn't going to be an inquest into the incident- the investigation had already been dealt with, the questions put to rest with Vyrnnus when they swept the whole thing under the rug and shut down the program... but still. He was _dangerous_ , an outsider in a group of people who were already alienated.

It was lonelier than he anticipated but he _couldn't_ blame them either.

The shuttle trembled again for a moment, the pull of gravity taking his thoughts away from the darker path they were flirting with and he looked out the small window to see the endless puff of clouds under them.

He frowned, dark brows meeting for the hundredth time that day, his stomach flipping strangely at the thought of seeing his parents again. It'd been... years since he'd last laid eyes on them. He knew it wasn't _their_ doing - if anything, he knew they _didn't_ want the separation. Kaidan understood that the nature of fear was the culprit. Those who did not understand biotics, the capabilities of it in humans were to blame for driving the wedge further and harder.

When his biotic abilities had manifested, his mother had been _concerned_ to say the least - but not because of what he'd become, but because of his inability to control it. She had heard all the horror stories - who hadn't with all the vids running wild on the extranet?

His parents had seen all the kids from the eezo spill either die or be taken away to the BAaT camp.

He remembered her reaction like it was yesterday, when he felt the first prickle of the eezo nodules heat and fire inside him, when the blue biotic mist enveloped him and fired into all sorts of directions. The chaos had been frightening to him but... his mother hadn't even budged from her spot in the door way of their messed up living room.

While he had been struck dumb with fear, the apology still lingering on his tongue, she'd placed her hands on his shoulders, shook her head slightly and smiled at him while he struggled with the terrifying discovery that he wasn't _normal_. Once he'd been able to focus on her, she bent down to his level, eyes to eyes, and spoke soft words he would never forget.

_"Kaidan, you need to learn how to use this power properly, you need to learn to control it to keep yourself and those you love around you safe."_

Those words meant she wanted to report him for the training.

His father had disagreed to his mother's plan vehemently. Despite the best intentions behind such a plan, his father knew it meant abandoning their son to an experiment and the Alenkos were _not_ lab rats. His parents had argued and after several weeks of stern, _endless_ discussion, Kaidan had put an end to it.

He'd lost control - that seemed to be a recurring theme, now that he thought about it.

Besides that, he sighed - his mind wandering back to the memory; he'd tried flaring up on his own. Thoughtless as he was, he had tried to remember the feeling of the nodules heating when it first happened a few weeks prior but he wasn't amped yet and the power wasn't focused. It wasn't _contained_.

He can still see the damage - clear as day. The room had shook under the pressure of the wild mass effect fields, the walls warping into themselves as the expanding energy swallowed everything in its path of destruction. His skin had felt hot, like it had been set on fire, his nose had bled and he remembered crying, his mother's arms around him as she checked him over. Scrapes, cuts and bruises from the flying debris - nothing that couldn't be fixed with a Band-Aid and a few soothing words.

 _That_ had convinced his father.

Kaidan looked up towards the shuttle ceiling when the pilot's voice broke through his thoughts, announcing their imminent arrival. He bent down, reaching under his seat for his personal bag, his entire livelihood fitting into one small shore bag. They hadn't been allowed to take anything back from their rooms.

Everything had been confiscated, swept away like a bad memory under the rug and denied its existence - he wasn't sure how he felt about that. Denying the accident was denying the death of the commander; denying his responsibility in snuffing a life even if the guy had been a complete twisted bastard.

The shuttle's hydraulics flickered to life, the familiar sound of the hissing air reminded him of the small claustrophobic space of the detention cell they'd put him in after Vyrnnus had been declared dead. And for a brief moment, his first meeting with Rahna fluttered at the edges of his memory as he watched her disembark.

_Hair like silk, bright eyes, a soft smile - graceful fingers that moved as fluidly as her laughter..._

She didn’t look back when she stepped ahead of him. She refused to look, he was sure - he doesn’t blame her. He frightened not only her but himself. His biotics... he wasn't sure what to make of them; he knew he couldn't use them again - he couldn't _protect_.

He stared at her retreating form, regret lingering thickly between them. Brayden stood next to her, his hand on the small of her back as they walked away towards the terminal of the space port. Kaidan pulled at his lower lip with his teeth, nibbling at it for a brief moment as he adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. He waited for the other students to step off the shuttle before he gathers the little strength he has left and leapt off the ledge.

The light of the sun was too bright and he squinted, his hand rising up to shield his eyes for a brief moment as he adjusts from the darkness - the air was humid and damp, it hadn’t changed much over the years - unlike him.

"Kaidan!"

He heard her before he actually saw her - her arms up high, waving in the distance; her bright smile caught his attention immediately. His mother's voice constricted his heart for a second. He'd spent a long time thinking about this moment and when it actually happened, he couldn’t decipher the emotion welling up inside of him.

As she approached, he practiced his best _hello_ inside of his head _Hi mom - Hey, long time... Mom, how are you? Hey... I missed you, mom_ but it all sounded wrong. His step was steady even though his center of gravity is off kilter and he could feel the world tilting sideways under him.

He stopped mere feet away, uncertainty flooding him. His memory didn’t seem right – he was staring down at her and she was smaller than he remembered. Wasn't it the other way around? Wasn't she the one always high up in the clouds? Wasn't she the one always larger than life itself?

He bit down the halfhearted words of greeting, his jaw flexing at the effort and she slowed down, her arms spreading open to gather him within her embrace that he thought he didn’t deserve. His brows knit together again and he stared at the floor, his greeting wedged between his teeth as his mother's gentle hand leaned against his face, forcing him to look at her. He noticed then that her eyes had new wrinkles and her temples were graying but her smile was still the same - welcoming, warm.

Loving.

_Art by meseerhawk @ tumblr_

"Welcome home,” he heard the words and he let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding back. Her smile trembled a little but he placed the blame of that on the wind and the cool autumn temperatures, not because she was happy to see _him_ \- The sinful boy who killed a commander to protect a girl that won't even look at him in the eyes anymore.

He knew he didn’t deserve such tenderness, there was blood on his hands but his mother didn’t know that so he attempted to smile, a crooked, carefree smile but he felt it pinch, he felt his throat closing with an emotion he refused to name. He accepted her embrace and took in a deep breath, her scent gave him the feeling that he was finally home but it reminded him of something he'd pushed away all these passing years.

His heart was pounding under his ribcage, his fingers squeezed his mother's shoulders as he tried to get a grip on the memory of _that_ day - the smell of baked cookies teasing his nose then and now was still the same as the day they took him away. He could still see his mother clutching the spatula and his father's arm around her shoulders as the men in black coats pulled him away.

That sad expression still haunted him.

"Thanks, mom," he murmured, releasing her as he blinked away the memory. "Where's dad?"

"In the car," she let him go and she looked him up and down to see just how much her little boy had grown. She frowned a little, as though she knew there was something amiss - maybe she could sense that something was wrong, he wasn’t sure but he shrugged off her attention and stepped around her. She fell in step next to him and slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow and led him to the car.

He took a moment to look around, the kids from the training academy are gathered by the silent shuttle, waiting for their rides and he then realised that they wouldn't be coming home to the same warm greeting. Their parents probably believed all the propaganda from back then and probably wouldn't be coming. _What would happen to them?_ He wondered as he bit the inside of his cheek, his jaw flexing and his mother took his hand, squeezing it once as though she knew what he was thinking.

He focused his attention on the one hover car running in the distance, the soft hum familiar and different at the same time. He saw his father inside, one hand draped over the steering wheel, the other scrolling through the paper data pad.

Things were the same, but different at the same time. Kaidan's steps still didn't falter, taking him farther and farther away from the memories he wanted to forget but he knew they would follow him no matter where they went.

_Rahna's ashen face, the copper taste of blood in his mouth mixed with something acidic. He felt sick, the rush of screams and buzzing in his ears as his powers flared down and went offline..._

Kaidan pressed the door of the hover car open, allowing his mother to enter first, his father looked up, narrowing his eyes for a moment. There was silence between the two men, Kaidan bit his lower lip, his amp itching oddly and he resisted the urge to scratch at it.

"Hey, dad."

His father blinked, the sound of his son's voice unfamiliar but welcomed to his ears. He straightened in his seat, wedging the data pad between his seat and the floor. Kaidan didn't miss the brief curl of lips at the corner of his father's lips for a brief second.

"Son."

 _Simple_ , was all Kaidan could think of, with his father's little smile and comfortable silence. His mother shook her head, rolling her eyes. Kaidan wanted to grin but he pushed it away and opted to rub his forehead instead as he sat down behind the seat of his mother. He watched the hydraulics kick in to close the door and shut out the past.

The hover car couldn't leave fast enough.

Kaidan leaned back against the seat, eyes following the moving horizon against the greying sky of Vancouver - he could smell it in the air, it was going to rain. He noticed his mother rub her wrist absently as she spoke softly to his father and he wondered if the old injury from the eezo accident still predicted the weather.

By the looks of it, it did.

He looked away, the normality of the situation was unusual for him - drills, schedules, regulations and a strict regimen of biotic training was all he could remember, that's all he lived. He felt out of sorts, out of place in a family car traveling down a highway surrounded by concrete and civilians.

What was he supposed to do now?

He didn't know, didn't _want_ to know, really. What _could_ he do? He leaned his head against the cool pane of glass and closed his eyes. The motion of the hover car lulling him into a slumber, the voices of his parents bickered for a few seconds before his father turned on the station to some old music that melded into the background. Kaidan sighed, comfort wrapping itself around him as Rahna's eyes watched him from inside his memories.


	2. Thoughts of Home

 

* * *

**Note - Large sections of italics are memories or flashbacks.**

* * *

  
| Part B .:. Thoughts of Home |

_"What were your plans going to be before they picked you up?" he asked her, their food trays almost touching at the table - it was just her and him, alone for once. The rest of their group was still in line in the mess hall. He swallowed hard, glancing at her sideways. Her full lips pulled into a soft smile that made his heart quicken. He cleared his throat and looked away, focusing his attention on the substance on his tray that was considered food._

_"Hmm, my plans?" he heard her tapping her spoon against her lips in thought, "Well, I wanted to do something constructive," Kaidan raised a brow, turned to look at her and for a moment he saw an unusual sadness that clung to her._

_"Constructive? You mean, like a structural engineer?"_

_He had trouble keeping his serious expression together when her laughter bubbled out. It was contagious and always managed to make him smile even in this grim place. She shook her head._

_"No, not that type of constructive." She sighed as he took a bite of his food, he could almost hear her thinking._

_"What ah... What did you mean, then?" He asked through a mouthful of ... something that almost tasted like steak._

_"I want to mold something with these hands," she brought them up in front of her, fingers spread out before clenching them into fists. Her eyes hard for just a split second before flexing the fingers open again, "I want to use them to create, I don't... I don't want this life of destruction."_

_He reached for her, their skin heated and then there was the faintest of blue spark between them._

Kaidan stirred awake – there was a warmth lingering in the small space of the hover car. He could almost taste the residue of dark energy, the familiar buzz of his amp had him concerned for a moment and almost certain he'd flared up in his sleep. He pressed his palm against his eyes for a brief second as he pulled himself into a sitting position. He hadn’t notice it right away but the car had gone still, the sun slipped beyond the mountains on the horizon. 

Something fell from his lap as he craned his neck to see past the small window of the car. He blinked, realising that the object now gathered at his feet was a blanket - it smelled familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Kaidan shook his head slightly, wondering if his mother had snuck it on him. He stretched awkwardly, shoulders aching from his odd position and he fumbled in the darkness before his fingers found the right latch to spring the door open. He realised, as he stepped out into the cool autumn evening, that he was _home_. 

He straightened, tugging at the bottom edge of his sweat shirt to smooth out the wrinkles. Kaidan took in a deep breath, closing his eyes as the scent embedded itself inside him and he tried to find his place here, again. 

Everything was... he narrowed his eyes, almost believing the illusion. 

He couldn’t quite put his finger on it – the wide span of cobblestones leading up to that bright white door he’d dreamed of since the day they took him away was still the same. He counted the fourteen steps, the sixth still had the broken piece of rock he always tripped on. The bright red flower pots still decorated the curve of the path… 

_From his seat on the stairs, Kaidan could see his father’s face. It had an eerie orange glow from the data pad the man in the dark suit had handed to him. He crept closer to the edge of sight, trying to hear what the men were speaking – no doubt it was about him, he’d been sent straight up to his room the second he walked in the door from school._

_His shoulder still felt the weight of the school pack._

_“Mr. Alenko, Conatix Industries takes this threat seriously-“_

_“He’s not a threat, he’s a biotic,” His father cut in, flicking the data pad casually across the table, letting it slide towards the man, “and the last time I checked, un-amped biotics are supposedly even less-so.”_

_“Biotics are an unknown, and your son-“_

_“My son needs help. That’s why we contacted you.” The silence between the two men lingered, uncomfortably so. Kaidan’s father looked down onto the table, his hands fisted against the cool metal of the table. The boy could see his father frowning deeply, he could hear his mother in the kitchen and the smell of cookies baking was almost a distraction._

_“Kaidan is a powerful biotic,” his father’s voice was quiet, Kaidan had to strain to hear the few words he could catch, “We’ve known this since his first attempts to flare up without the use of an amp and successfully did so.”_

_“That’s imposs-“_

_“He destroyed half the house. It’s possible, and it’s frightening for him, for us.” His father’s chin rose a notch, pride evident in his stature and it was clear to Kaidan that his father did not fear this power as much as he did. “Your contract,” the elder Alenko began, “States that Kaidan will be amped, and trained to use them properly with aliens that are biotics themselves?”_

_“Yes, once we test him to see if he’s even strong enough to hold a charge.”_

_“He can hold a charge,” his father didn’t even pause in his declaration, “My question is, can_ you _handle the amount of power he’s going to release?”_

_The pots were white back then, not red,_ Kaidan remembered the difference, the memory of his last day inside his home fading as quickly as it came. He turned his attention to the front door, chewing the inside of his cheek. 

_“Mom, I don’t want this-“_

_“Nonsense, Kaidan, we talked about this.”_

_“Mom, I promise I won’t use it again, I won’t try to -” he could feel the tears burning at his eyes, his mother pulled him tight into her arms._

_“Shush, dear – it’s not because of that. You need to control it if you want to keep yourself and everyone else safe. I love you, more than anything – please believe that.”_

The door opened, his father stood silently before him. Kaidan took a step back in surprise, not expecting the sudden encounter and without thinking, his amp buzzed to life, and a blue sheen of biotics coated his skin in a barrier. 

His father eyed him critically for a moment, before taking in a breath. 

“How long are you planning on staying outside?” 

Kaidan shrugged, looking away towards the light of the street. “Not sure dad, I just woke up in the car and was just thinking about a couple of things.” The blue mist of his barrier dispersed, his father crossed his arms and a long moment of silence stretched between them. 

“Well don’t stay out too long… thinking of things. It’s not safe for you to be out here and your mother is pacing the kitchen floor like nobody’s business.” 

Kaidan let out a short bark of laughter, his body flaring blue as he lifted the red pots and let them float idly in place. His father frowned, his gaze meeting his son’s, not sure where this was going to go. 

“I’m not worried about them, dad, they should be worried about me. I’m the monster here.” Bitterness slipped through the spaces of his words, he swallowed its taste down silently. 

“Is that what they taught you at in that place? That you’re a monster?” his father asked quietly, he could see him shake his head lightly before rubbing the back of his neck. Kaidan couldn’t tell what his father was thinking, only his brow twitched for a moment before the tension was gone between them. “Put those down and come inside, your mother-“ 

“I’ll come in a bit. Dad, I’m sorry I didn’t mean-“ 

“Its fine, Kaidan. I’m just...” the older man sighed, unsure what to say as he watched his son place the pots back to their spots with a precision he’d never thought possible. Kaidan couldn’t look at him. “I don’t know... how to… well,” his father stammered, “I guess I don’t know what to say to that.” 

_There’s nothing you can say_ , Kaidan thought _, I killed someone – I’m not your little boy anymore._

“Dad-“ 

“Come in when you’re ready,” his father interrupted his sentence and watched as his father shut the door, his thoughts swirling around the clicking sound. 

_He looked over his shoulder, his parents watching him from the top of the stairs, the bright white door was almost blinding in the sunset. His mother’s eyes were shiny but she didn’t cry, she clutched her wooden spoon, a lump of cookie dough still clinging to it as his father wrapped an arm around her. He’d never felt so frightened._

Kaidan rubbed his forehead, hating himself for a second. Why did he have to do that? He didn’t need to show off, his dad knew there was nothing to worry about. 

Then again, his parents hadn’t seen him since he was just a little kid. They didn’t _know_ anything. There had been no contact, no communications to or from BAaT. 

It became more and more apparent as time ticked by that, despite their open arms and warm words, he was just a stranger to them now. 

_“What are you going to do once you’re out of this training, Kaidan?” Rahna asked, her lids heavy with sleep as they both watch the stars outside of the bay window of their common room – it wasn’t too late yet, curfew was still an hour or so from then but it was their night off from rotation. As per the norm, Kaidan lost the last round and had to sit the rest out but Rahna didn’t like playing poker so she kept him company while the rest of the team threw in their makeshift credit chits._

_“I’m not sure, probably just go home.”_

_“Really? No big plans?”_

_“Yeah, I mean… I’m not sure what I can be, or what biotics can do outside of this.”_

_“You don’t like the military life?” Brayden tossed his way, grinning. Kaidan chuckled, his experience so far had been difficult. The new commander seemed to really have it out for him._

_“I’m not sold on it, especially with the turian.” Kaidan replied, smiling back at his friend. Rahna laughed softly, knowing well where this was going, Brayden only shook his head._

_“If you’d stop being so pig-headed with him, maybe he’d back off a bit, Kai.”_

_“It’s not right, what he does. We’re the first human biotics – he shouldn’t be treating us like we’re idiots.” Kaidan sighed, this argument getting old to his ears. His mouth still ached from that morning but at least his tooth was fixed._

_“We are idiots,” his friend shrugged in the dim light, both sure the conversation was done with and they both know it was a pointless argument. “Well, I’m going to join the Alliance,” his friend said with pride, Kaidan raised a brow in disbelief._

_“You have trouble keeping your mnemonics in a straight line, Brayden – could you handle it under fire?”_

_“At least I can flare up. You’re not any better,” the other boy shot back, all light banter gone from his voice. Kaidan chose to ignore it, “Your head’s always inside your ‘tool or you’re tinkering with some tech and tearing it apart.”_

_“Idle hands…” Kaidan started, Brayden snorted, returning his attention to the cards, ignoring the two tucked away from prying eyes._

_“Engineering sounds like a good idea for you,” Rahna started but Kaidan shook his head._

_“No, can’t be done. Our biotics would interfere with the finer points of the mechanics and calibrations – the charge of our mass effect fields would ruin engines in space ships.”_

_He didn’t hear her sigh, but felt her shift next to him, her head on his shoulder._

_“Kaidan, sometimes you just need to let go of logic, let your mind wander over the possibilities and just go with the flow.”_

_He stared at her for a moment, his brow knitting in thought. Could he really do that? He didn’t know – he didn’t want to lie to himself on what he could or couldn’t do. He wasn’t normal, none of them were. How could they dream beyond their designations?_

_“I’ll try,” was all he could say to her._

Kaidan looked up towards the stars, the ache of loneliness settled over the hollow ache in his chest. He’d lost more than just a couple of friends and a crush, he’d lost his link to understanding his biotics, the camaraderie of the others. 

He’d lost his sense of self. 


	3. Portraits

* * *

**Note - Large sections of italics are memories or flashbacks.**

* * *

  
| Part C .:. Portraits |

His father had gone to bed hours ago and Kaidan had spent a while staring at the twinkling city lights on the horizon, huddled on the old tire swing in his backyard. He couldn’t believe his parents still had it up.

Despite the unusual warmth of his body due to his biotics, the cold eventually found its way to his bones and the shivers that crawled down his spine convinced him that it was time to take the present by the balls and head into the house.

Once inside, years of training seemed to have become non-existent in the darkness. He hadn’t even been across the threshold twenty seconds before he managed to stub his toes on a couch that hadn’t been there before, tripped over the edge of a carpet and had to use his biotics to keep the picture frames from clattering all over the hard wood floors when his shoulder hooked onto a bookshelf he didn’t expect to protrude so much out of the wall.

He cursed under his breath while his eyes adjusted to his surroundings. Maybe his mother had heard him, he wasn’t sure but the light in the upper hallway turned on.

 _“Kaidan?”_ she whispered down to him, Kaidan looked up and squinted his eyes against the light flooding down from the second floor.

 _“Yeah, sorry – just me.”_ He whispered back and his mother didn’t say anything else. He heard the click of her door and with a sigh, glanced around the room. There were pictures of his family littering the cream coloured walls of the living room. A few of them had him as a child, bright eyed and carefree playing with his father in a park.

One with his mother, flour on his nose as she cooked and he handed her a cup filled with something he was sure she didn’t need, judging by the exasperated look on her face. There was another in which they’d gone to the town fair and his mother had captured him with the omni-camera holding on to bright coloured balloons – a smile spread across a mouth filled with cotton candy. He leaned closer to the wall, the light barely illuminating the faces. He could see how each picture frame was carefully put together, his mother’s handwriting on each corner with a date, an explanation of the events.

A piece of history he could barely remember. His mind, now, was full of tactics, drills and tainted with the blue blood of a turian that hated humans. He couldn’t remember the warmth that these pictures captured. He picked one from the wall, this one catching his attention – Kaidan was faintly glowing, staring at his hands with a look of wonder etched on his features.

This was the first time he’d felt his biotics.

_‘Kaidan – age 7 – our boy is a biotic!’_

He blew out a gentle breath, the dust flicking off the glass before he put it back up on its spot. He felt out of place amongst these memories of innocence. He took a step back, rubbed the back of his neck and turned on his heels, heading towards the stairs. Although there was a faint glow lighting up some of the way, Kaidan wasn’t paying enough attention – his eyes focused on the old family pictures.

In his haste to climb the stairs, he misjudged how high they were, taking them two by two and he demonstrated just how fast a lanky, big footed teenager could fall. Luckily, after the barely audible _“Looks like biotics still can’t see in the dark”_ comment his father grumbled through the door, his parents let him suffer his clumsiness alone.

He laid there, at the top of the stairs, contemplating how it was physically possible to fall up the stairs while silent laughter swallowed every breath that passed through his lips. He pressed both his palms against his eyelids, a moment of silence slipped between the shadows as the cool hardwood under him became a welcomed sensation against the bruises that were still healing – he let out another bark of silent laughter. A harden killer, an unstable L2 biotic monster, taken out by a set of wooden planks.

Vyrnnus would have sneered at him until shame burned hot in his belly; Rahna would have laughed, her eyes twinkling like stars.

Kaidan swallowed hard, his eyes burning for a moment at the thought of his loss before rolling over and picking himself off the floor. He followed the light to his room – he could see the door ajar and without thinking, his fingers flared blue for a second, pushing the door open as he entered his old room

He took in a breath, narrowing his eyes as they adjusted to the faint light, and realised that nothing had changed in his room.

It was still that of a pre-teen, figurines littered the shelves, stacks of comic datapads lined one shelf in the same alphabetical order he would meticulously arrange every week back then. He blew a breath across them, raised a brow when no dust rose from the shelves. He smirked knowing that his mother would have been meticulous about keeping everything just the same. Even his back pack from that afternoon was still crumpled against the wall where he’d thrown it before she’d had packed his things to leave with the men who were speaking with his father.

_“Kaidan, this isn’t an option.” She sighed, opening his closet to find his bag. She’s still wearing her apron, full of flour from her afternoon baking._

_“I’m not dangerous!” He shouted, voice cracking with heart break. He didn’t want to go with the men, they had already branded him as dangerous, as a menace. He wasn’t anything like that._

_“I know that!” She raised her voice, the tears are getting harder to keep at bay. She can’t look at her son. He’s pacing the room, the hair on her arms tingled as the blue mist of his biotics escaped the nodes in his body._

_“I don't want this,” he whispered, but his mother kept her back to him, missing the shake of his hands. She opened the bag on his bed and reached out to the pile of clothing she'd laid out earlier._

_He flared, she felt the hairs on her arms raise in response – she stiffened as Kaidan struggled for a moment to pull the energy back but it was too late._

_“I don’t -” he shouted this time. She felt the pressure of the mass effect field against her skin when suddenly something brushed past her arm and smashed against the floor._

_Eyes wide, she turned to face him, sweat had beaded across his brow and he fell to his knees, fists grabbing the carpet and he sobbed – his beloved figurines are scattered across the ground before him and he can’t stop the sounds coming from his throat._

_She sat on his bed, eyeing her son with a mix of emotions she didn’t want to identify._

_“Kaidan,” he heard the disappointment in her voice, he regretted his tantrum far more than she’d ever know. He wasn't just a little boy anymore – he was a teenager, he was supposed to have more control._

_“I’m… I’m sorry, mom.” He wanted to look up when he felt her hand on his shoulder but the powerless feeling that sits in the depth of his belly kept him from doing so._

_“This is why you need to go with them, son.”_

He approached his desk, his fingers trailing the edge – how many nights had he thought about this place? The warmth, the safety of his room was an ache that had been overwhelming to him from that space station while he nursed migraines, nose bleeds and bruises.

He felt like a stranger, a guest in his own home.

Kaidan glanced at his bed, blues adorned it – matching the paint.

What was he doing here?

_“Once we’re out of here, do you think we can blend in with the rest?” She asked him, “Seriously, I want to know.” He looks at her from the corner of his eye as she tried to flare up again, her frown severe as she focused her energy onto the glass of water before them. Blood dripped from her nose._

“I don’t know.” He murmured in the empty space before he stripped down to his boxers and fell into bed. He pulled the covers over him. Rahna’s question still burned inside his head when sleep finally took him.

Maybe he’d feel different in the morning.

Then again, maybe things would be worst.


	4. Downward Spiral

| Part D .:. Downward Spiral |

It took a few days until he finally accepted the thought of being settled in, to feel like he could relax at home and belong again when all hell broke loose. It was all over the news, the city was locked down – Kaidan watched the vid quietly, trying to sip down the too-hot coffee, trying not to let the words get to him.

His mother _tsked_ and grumbled next to him but her eyes never left the screen and his father just kept reading his data pad, the orange glow flickering as he scrolled through the pages.

 _There is an L2 loose in the city_ – so the news said. _Snapped, lost it all together, reports of damage were in the millions of credits._ A blonde woman with fearful eyes reported back to the camera. Kaidan frowned. He could see the pictures slipping by quickly, blue flares would drown out the shadows and illuminate the area – a car would fly off the ground, a wall would crack and then there was the sound of windows breaking.

 _It was one of those kids from that place_ , another reporter said in the background. Kaidan focused his attention on the vid again, this time trying to catch a glimpse of who they were speaking of, maybe it was someone he knew. Before he could see, his mother changed the channel. She was still scanning to see what was really going on and how it had really started. Sensationalism was the media’s game and it would be hard to decipher the truth from the fear.

She settled on another live channel, fires were breaking out in various shops, screams were fading like echoes but there was one distinctive yell that was filled with rage, it had to be the L2.

_“Sources state that the biotic in question is named Brayden Jones, a former student at the Conatix Industries’ “Biotic Acclimation and Training” program in which…”_

“Did you know him?” his mother asked, her eyes never quite leaving the vid. He could hardly believe his ears but he nodded.

“Yeah, he- uh… if it’s actually him, he was one of my good friends, before… well. Before they closed down brain camp.”

_“What did you do, Alenko?” Brayden asked and his voice shook while his hands tangled themselves in his blond hair – there was blood on Alenko’s shirt. His body hummed with biotic energy and the adrenaline drowned out the ragged sound of Vyrnnus’s breathing and he tried to ignore the strange twitches of the turian’s body._

_“What did you do?”_

_Rahna screamed and Kaidan couldn’t catch his breath._

His mother looked away from the vid for a moment, their eyes met and she squinted, her son’s silence unnerved her but he only looked down, back to his cup of coffee. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“How come your friends from there never contact you?” His father piped up, eyes flicking above the edge of his data pad. Kaidan swallowed, uneasy with their quiet interrogation.

It’s not an interrogation, Kaidan reminded himself – there’s no bright light in his eyes, no threats, no metal clamp pressing against his amp to shut down his biotics. There’s no pain with each question.

Regardless, he flinched when his mother moved to reach out for his hand.

“Kaidan?”

He cleared his throat and closed his eyes, trying to find his center again. _Don’t let the memories get to you._ “I’m not sure, dad.” He attempted a smile but his mother only frowned, a blast in the background snatched her attention away, her eyes back on the vid.

His father’s glance told him he didn’t believe him entirely but Kaidan ignored it.

“Oh dear, they’re using flash grenades to flush the boy out of hiding.” She put her hand against her mouth, shaking her head in disbelief.

Disbelief of _what_ , Kaidan wasn’t sure – in the public reaction or in the boy’s final moments of insanity?

Hours pass without his notice, he picked up his long forgotten cup of coffee and took a sip, wincing as he swallowed the cold liquid before continuing to flip through the channels. His parents have moved on to the living room, tired of the same loop of information.

_It’s red sand, it’s the implant… No, he’s a monster – a L2 biotic isn’t meant to be integrated back into society. They need to be tagged and tracked!_

The voices of the reporters mix and blend, his thoughts circling around the double entendre, the meaning behind their fear. No one had died so far – for that he’s thankful, but he can tell Brayden is falling further and further into madness.

How did it get to this?

_“I still want to join the Alliance,” Brayden looked out of the bay window, eyes searching the stars within the depth of space, “There are tons of biotics out there. Just because our own kind won’t accept us, doesn’t mean we won’t be accepted with other races out there.”_

_Kaidan looked out at the same stars and wondered if he’s right._

There was one station in particular, Kaidan put down the controller when the Conatix logo flashes across the screen. Bits of video of their reporters’ streams by, some are pounding on the glass doors of the local Conatix branch for more information, but there is no response – no one even came to the doors to see what the noise was all about.

When someone finally did come out, the press is met with _No Comments_ and a cold brush off. The gag order from the Vyrnnus incident is tightly in place, they wouldn’t even acknowledge the problem.

Kaidan felt a surge of frustration in the depth of his belly.

“Is this… breakdown of the boy, related to what happened on Jump Zero?” Kaidan looked up from the table, swallowing the frustration as his gaze landed squarely on his father.

“What?”

“This.” He waved his pipe around in a circle before putting it back in his mouth, the vid still flickering in the background.

“I can’t talk about what-”

“Why can’t you talk about it?”

“There’s a gag-”

“Fuck the gag order, Kaidan. We’re your parents. We need to know if this is going to be a problem.” His father’s frustration slipped into his tone, finger pointing to the vid.

“What do you mean, a problem?” Kaidan blinked, shocked.

The silence between the two men stretched on, his father staring at his son, his flesh and blood without even blinking. The reports’ chatter was an annoyance in the background, white noise against an issue that dipped between the lines of grey.

“Are you going to wake up one morning and…”

“And what, dad? Am I going to lose it? Blow the house up?” Kaidan pressed his palms flat against the table, anger bubbling to the surface.

“You’re refusing to see the councillor on the Alliance base,” his father started, trying to change the subject but it was too late. Kaidan’s fears were pulled out of the darkness and exposed.

“Why? They caused the problem in the first place – now they want to fix me,” Kaidan spat out the words, lips pulled back in disgust.

“Is there something to fix? What happened to you?”

Kaidan ignored him, his father paced the kitchen floor and he sighed in frustration.

“You need to talk to someone about this, or you’re-”

“Don’t you think I worry about it, dad?” It was his turn to cut his father off, his father’s glare was nothing compared to that of Vyrnnus. “You weren’t there when… when…” he fisted his hands on the table.

“When what, Kaidan?”

A challenge, he can see the probe from his father and he _takes_ it.

“When I lost control and ki-” he nearly shouted the words, nearly relieved himself of the guilt by sharing the load of the truth with his parents but it wasn’t _their_ sin. He couldn’t give them that responsibility. The blue corona flared slightly as he let the memory of Vyrnnus touch his emotions and he felt the tendrils of his biotics against his skin. The angry words drew his mother out of the living room and she stopped in the doorway, watching the two men standing off.

 _“Dear, I don’t think now’s the time to be asking about this,”_ she whispered to her husband but Kaidan’s father wasn’t one to walk on egg shells. He didn’t know how to back off. He didn’t know his son anymore.

“This is important Kaidan, how are we supposed to make sure you don’t lose it like that when you won’t even say two fucking words to us,” the elder Alenko started but Kaidan had already had enough. He reached behind his head and yanked, hard – the feeling of his biotics disconnecting as the amp is roughly pulled from the jack at the base of his skull. It disoriented him and suddenly he feels like an entirely different person.

He threw it at his father, the small metallic object bounced off the elder man’s chest and he quickly tried to grab at it before it falls to the floor. No such luck - the amp cracked loudly against the ceramic and Kaidan could only stare at it.

“There.” He said, looking at both his parents. They stared at him, his mother’s hands pressed against her lips and his father’s gaze wide-eyed. “There.” Kaidan repeated the words, they feel like sand in his mouth. “I can’t hurt anyone now,” he stepped around the chair, eyes on the glass door in the kitchen and stepped outside.

There was a different kind of ache this time, in the hollow of his chest and he’s not quite sure what to do with it. He looked up towards the moon and walked straight into the darkness of the night.

He didn’t see his mother gesturing wildly at his father, he didn’t see his father’s hands pressed against his eyelids. He didn’t even realise he was only wearing just his socks and pair of pajama bottoms that he’d never be caught dead with in public.


	5. Shepard

  
_  
_| Part E .:. Shepard |

_Maybe leaving the house in a fit wasn’t the best idea_ , Kaidan thought as regret settled in. His impulsive behaviour was only getting him further into trouble and he needed to get that under control. His feet ached with each step and despite the small biotic field he could manage without the amp, he couldn’t shield his feet from the worst of the bumps in the road.

_I need to find shoes._

He flicked on the omni-tool he had been allowed to take with him from brain camp – nothing as fancy as the one they had confiscated after the incident but it did the job – and checked the time. It was late, a few hours had passed since he’d run out of the house. There were messages on his voice mail, his parents number flashing across the callers list but he didn’t want to let them know where he was.

They hadn’t known where he’d been for years, why start worrying now?

Kaidan felt his cheeks warm in slight shame, that wasn’t fair to think, and he knew that, but he just wanted to blame someone – something. He was tired of being weighed down by the guilt of his actions, by the guilt of Rahna’s fear.

Tired of being dragged down by the guilt of being born a biotic in a world that wasn’t ready to accept them.

He rubbed his chin, the itch of the faint patchy hairs growing on his face reminded him that he needed to shave the uneven spots. He noticed he’d managed to travel quite a ways, lost in this thoughts. A bad habit he’d developed over the years but the unfamiliar surroundings made him nervous – he had no amp, no defenses.

Despite the earlier reports, the town had grown quiet. Kaidan wasn’t sure if Brayden had finally been caught or if he’d been killed by either the authorities or by his very own biotics. They’d been warn about the side effects of the L2s, nose bleeds, headaches – insanity.

Rahna had the bleeds, he had the migraines and although Brayden had passed all the neurological tests on the station, his former friend was afflicted with the worst side-effect. Maybe Conatix already knew – he was the only one pulled in for medicals once a day.

Maybe the lack of surveillance and progress of the amp was his downfall.

Kaidan couldn’t know for sure. He scratched at the hidden empty amp jack at the line of his hair, the buzz of his biotics was unrefined, no longer compact and it was disorienting a little bit. The focus just wasn’t there at his fingertips. Even though it only been a few years since they plugged him in – he’d become entirely dependent on the small metallic object.

As a child, he’d managed to control a few fields, move objects but now… he could only remember the feel of the energy moving through his body through the use of the amp. He felt useless. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like the idea that he was just uncontrolled without it.

Maybe, somehow, he could learn to refine his biotics without the amp, once more. Improve them somehow… he kicked a can rolling in the street. He couldn’t even finish the thought, he was stepping outside what was already pre-determined from his birth.

Would that even be possible? Biotics were documented, tracked and led only a linear destiny. He wasn’t allowed to break free from the path before him. All the talks of acceptance, of following their dreams at Jump Zero was just bull shit. He was a fool for allowing himself to believe in such things.

Mercenary work or Alliance. That’s all he was good for. He could potentially make it big as a merc – he heard they saw biotics as a perk, but the Alliance still feared it. He wouldn’t be able to move ahead if he joined.

But he’d have access to training, he’d be able to see biotics in action, learn from various aliens.

Maybe…

“Hey, kid.”

The voice caught him by surprise, the bright light of the omni-toll flash light even more so. He tried to flare a barrier in protection but it didn’t fire.

That may have been his saving grace.

“What are you doing out here, dressed like that? The whole city is under a curfew.”

He raised his hand to shade his eyes, dazed from the sudden brightness.

“Uh,” he started but the officer had already grabbed his arm.

“Are you alright, son?” He felt fingers on his face, lids being peeled back as they checked his pupils, his pulse.

_Oh maker, they thought he was on…_

“Have you been drinking tonight, son? Or taken… any substances?”

“N-no, sir.”

The Alliance officer squinted his eyes, critically looking him up and down. He noted the lack of shoes and the strange clothes. The mussed up hair with Kaidan’s nervous twitch of rubbing the back of his neck and covering something behind his head. He could see that there was a sheen of sweat on the boy’s brow and he was breathing oddly. From what he could see, the boy in front of him was suffering from _something_. The officer took him by the arm again and pulled him towards the hover car a few yards back.

“Come on, boy – you need to sober up in the tank.”

Kaidan groaned, “I’m not drunk or high,” he argued, the officer shook his head, the omni-tool beeped loudly as he pressed Kaidan’s hand into the fingerprint scanner of his tool.

“Biotic. Student of the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance program. Kaidan Alenko - stable.”

The words slid down Kaidan’s spine, like an unwanted branding – the gloved fingers of the officer reached up behind Kaidan’s head to find the amp but found it missing.

“Where’s the amp.”

The officer’s voice was carefully neutral but Kaidan still tensed when he felt the braces to repress biotic powers go around his wrists. He stared at them, blinking. “Uh, It’s… It’s at my house. My parents kept it when I went for a walk-“

“We’re taking you down to the base, we’ll contact your parents from there and confirm your story.”

He felt his head pushed down, as he seated himself in the hover car, there was another person in the car. He didn’t look up, uninterested as his gaze swept the city’s horizon, the smoke from the earlier fires were still pluming up towards the stars, smothering the natural light of the moon.

“I _like_ Blasto,” he heard from across the shuttle – Kaidan blinked out of his daze barely long enough to realise the words were spoken to him.

“Pardon?” He mumbled, eyes meeting the brightest coloured eyes he’d ever seen. A dust of freckles across the bridge her nose caught his attention as she lifted a brow crookedly. There was a fresh cut there that makes him wonder how she managed to get it – she couldn’t be older than fifteen, maybe even younger.

She shook her almost bald head, the reddish fuzz of her buzz cut drew his attention. She tipped her head, watching him as though she wass trying to decide if he’s really an idiot or if he’s worth her time. She squinted and pointed towards his legs.

“Your pants, dumbass.”

Kaidan looked down, blinking away his confusion when he realised that Blasto covered his legs in a cotton shield against the outer elements. He felt his face redden and cleared his throat awkwardly. Not only was he getting thrown in the drunk tank for suspected red sand use or drinking, he was an un-amped biotic lost in the city after his insane friend terrorised the neighbourhood and a young bald headed lady with a smirk and bleeding cut was making fun of his pants. He rubbed the back of his neck, clearing his throat again.

“Uh…” is his intelligent reply, the girl sunk down into a more comfortable position, watching him from the corner of her eyes and shook her head again.

He’d been branded stupid. Kaidan can feel it, he needed to redeem himself.

“Thanks… for liking my pants.”

She raised a brow, the same injured one and he wanted to ask her how she got it.

“A fight.” She replied to his unspoken question, he blinked.

“A fight?”

“Yeah, with a big fucking knife – I won, bastard’s bleeding in the hospital.” She snorted, trying to cross her arms but her hands were cuffed. Kaidan realised she was pouting, angry at something.

“Why are you mad? Didn’t you win?”

“Yeah, but Anderson caught me trying to steal his car right after. He warned me he’d…” she trailed off, frowning.

“Who’s Anderson?”

“A guy you don’t mess around with. Big Alliance hero of sorts,” she snorted, unimpressed. “He pisses me off so I always make a point to mess with his shit.”

Kaidan let out a bark of laughter, she glared at him.

She doesn’t say much for a while, the van stopped a few times along the way but curiosity eventually struck the younger woman and she leaned forward, towards Kaidan.

“What _did_ you do?” She eyed him critically, trying to measure his threat to her own. He doesn’t look like much, he knew Blasto pj’s and dirty socks weren’t exactly gang material, unlike her bruises, cuts and leather jacket with the large X tattoo on her hand.

“Wrong place at the wrong time. I’m a biotic and I was actually lost.”

There was an awkward moment of silence between them, she grinned.

“Wow, biotic grabbing attention after the lunatic got lose in town? You really are dumb.”

“Pot calling the kettle black,” he murmured, she shot him another glare.

“Anderson just has it out for me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she kicked her heels up on the seat, thumping her head lightly against the wall, “He thinks I’m too good for the Reds; that I need to break the mold.” Her voice had dropped a few octaves, Kaidan assumed it was supposed to be Anderson’s voice.

“How are you going to do that?” the question was there between them, a girl who didn’t realise the importance of those simple words laced in a sentence. “Are you going to? Break the mold, that is.”

She looked at him, lips pressed in a thin line as she thought about it.

“I don’t know, I mean,” she thumped her head again, “It would be easy just to let myself take the easy road, you know. The Reds, they’ve been taking care of me. I’m one of the best they got and I’m…” she bites her lower lip. “I’m not sure I want to lead the Reds when I’m older, I don’t like it.”

“Don’t like what?”

“The shit they do. I mean, I need to know I’m worth something.” Their eyes meet for a moment, Kaidan realised that yeah, that’s what he wants to know too – is he worth something.

To himself, to someone.

“Anderson says…” she started but the shuttle stops, they both sat up straight as the door opened. A large man appeared in the threshold and eyed the young woman.

“Shepard,” he started – the girl nodded at the man and stood up. She looked over her shoulder and gave Kaidan one last look, her lips pulled back in a smirk.

“Break the rules, take your destiny by the balls and tell it to go fuck itself – you make your own path. That’s what this asshole told me.” She motioned to the Alliance officer – he has a bright red stripe running down his armour’s arm.

“Not quite word for word, Shepard,” the man replied with a strain Kaidan recognized from his own father. Kaidan smiled as Shepard shrugged and hopped off the shuttle.

“Close enough.”

Kaidan raised a brow and Anderson’s eyes met with his, they nod before he grabbed Shepard by the collar and dragged her off.

“How many times are you going to keep breaking into my damned car?”

“Until you stop buying such shitty encryptions,” she snapped back.

“It’s the best money can buy.” He retorts, but the girl only rolls her eyes.

“You’re wasting your credits. I thought the Alliance had better shit.”

“Hacking isn’t something you should be so apt with at your age,” he sighed, the girl tried to free herself from his grip.

“Old man, you have no clue just how brilliant I am with the right ‘tool,” she grinned, Anderson laughed as they turn the corner of the building and disappear inside. The other officer grabbed Kaidan by the arm and led him into the station.

“Your parents confirmed your story. They’re on their way.” He pointed to a chair inside one of the offices, the cuffs were still on tightly but he didn’t mind – if it made them feel safe, he would allow it.

“Thanks.”

He watched the officers step out of the room, door still open to keep an eye on him but Kaidan couldn’t help but think of the girl in the shuttle.

_“Take your destiny by the balls.”_

Maybe Rahna and Brayden had been on to something, after all. Maybe it was time for him to leave the nest and spread his wings out into the world.


	6. Setting the Past

| Part F .:. Setting the Past |

“… he’s like a ghost, it’s been days and he’s barely said two words to us.”

Kaidan held his breath as he clutched the bag his arms, his steps silent while descending the stairs from his room. He heard his mother pacing the kitchen, the smell of breakfast lingering in the hall and his father’s barely audible sigh.

“I know,” he heard the chair scrapping the floor, he could almost see his father standing up and put his hands on her shoulders to calm her down, “He’s got a lot on his mind – he’ll talk to us when he’s good and ready, you can’t push these things.”

“He’s not even using his biotics,” his mother pointed out, “Not since we picked him up from the alliance base.”

“His amp got broken.” His father replied, shaking his head.

“And we bought him another one. What’s the problem with the new one?”

Kaidan cleared his throat, interrupting his parents as he entered the kitchen. His mother noticed the bag immediately, his father frowned.

“Oh, Kaidan, good morning,” his mother smiled at him as he glanced her way.

“Good morning,” he murmured softly, he wasn’t sure how to tell them of his decision, how to make them understand.

“Breakfast will be ready soon.” His father said instead of good morning – things had gone from comfortable to awkward since that night. Son and father couldn’t see eye to eye anymore and both were too stubborn to apologise for things said and left unsaid. The elder Alenko turned towards the table, grabbing a data pad as he sat down to scroll through while he waited for his wife to finish cooking the eggs.

“I’m not really hungry.” Kaidan started to shrug but his belly gurgles, betraying him and he felt his cheeks flush from the embarrassment. His mother arched a brow and caught his eye.

“You’re a biotic, you need to eat,” she stated, leaving no room to argue. He already knew that, BAaT had taught them harsh lessons on what happened to a biotic who couldn’t keep up with the calorie consumption of his biotics.

“I only need to eat that much food if I use my biotics,” he countered, she looked over shoulder before flipping the egg in the pan.

“Over-easy, right? You still eat them that way?” she ignored him, he sighed and sat down at the table. Might as well. He wouldn’t be back here for a while.

“What’s in the bag,” his father hadn’t even looked up from the data pad he’s flipping through. Kaidan shifted on his chair, his mother dropped a plate in front of him with a heap of eggs, bacon and pancakes. He grabbed the maple syrup on the table.

“I’m leaving.”

His mother went still, chewing her lower lip for a moment and his father looked up.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I need to leave from here. I found work with the family orchard and…” he swallowed hard, “I need to go and figure out just…” his throat tightened with emotion. He was drowning in his house under the expectations of being the boy they knew but he didn’t know who he was himself anymore. Life here was bitter sweet – he wanted to belong but his guilt had a far deeper grip that wouldn’t let go and he needed to figure out just how to put Vyrnnus and Rahna to rest.

“Okay… It’s okay,” was all his mother said. His father never looked away from the pad as Kaidan finished his last meal with his family before he rose from his seat. With tears in her eyes, she dug out some credit chits she promised to keep loading with money once in a while when he was low on cash, she kissed his brow and packed a sweater in his bags while his father only watched from the living room couch. There were too many words left unsaid between them, he didn’t even know where to start to stop him from leaving.

Kaidan stepped out the door, his back to the past as he waited for the shuttle to take him towards the unknown but this time, he wouldn’t let anything cloud his future.

**END**


End file.
